I am not delusional I had HOPE

I love our society now, not. Do you know that more people are killing themselves then are dying by gun fire? Does anyone talk about it? Do we hear the stories of this person or that person who decided to die and WHY? You see I know a fact. We live in a society that pushes people to die. It is beyond the Pump Up the Volume motivational speech.

You see you can not change who a person is. Therapy does not do that? It does not. It shows your ignorance if you think that Psychology is about making everyone the same and to be able to do the same things or to even want the same things. The American Dream of a house and car and kids is not the same for everyone.

The film “Edward Scissor-hands” the most human character in the movie is Edward, yet he is the one unable to touch anyone or physically connect. Yet we all know emotionally he wants to. The world around him is devoid or differences with everyone the same. People can touch each other, but the do not seem to connect at all.

I have been testing myself for psychological conditions. Years ago a guy I knew from sets who hated that I was studying photo shop and planning to work production, called me crazy and used certain terms to describe what he thought was wrong with me. I kept telling him that I was abused by my father and that I did not have what he thought I had. After that, he told me I should be under the care of my father. My father has hit me. He has called me dumb. I tell him I want to work in the entertainment industry and he starts screaming at me. If I tell him I am just looking for work, he says fine. Truth is though he wanted me dependent on him because that was the only way we would have a relationship.

This image is something I posted on my Instagram. It is a video of me bending my knee. In 1997 I had a very bad accident. It messed up my right knee alignment so bad that when I bend the knee it slants inward. I had to go through years of therapy to get to the point it did not hurt anymore. I still have pain if I try running for any long period or ride a bicycle, so I avoid those activities.

What is perplexing is after i post this image someone who claims to be local called me delusional. Now I have been repeatedly attacked on line. I have been accused of committing fraud twice, when I never did. I did injure my knee. I thought I would be unable to run at all or do anything, but moving to California took the pressure off my knee from the weather. I knew that before I moved, which is why I fought hard to move to Los Angeles. I needed to be where the weather did not go to extremes. So I post this video and someone attacks me for being delusional? So my knee cap is normal? It is not. When I had my car accident in 1997 the man who ran the stop sign and hit my car was a physical therapist. He told me he knew I would have problems with my knee for the rest of my life. He wanted to settle out of court rather than go to court. I had over 10,000 in medical damages from the accident. It is why I had to sue. My medical insurance wanted restitution. And I still had a knee problem and needed more money for therapy and doctors. I had surgery on my knee and it still has scars.

Yesterday I was walking down the street and a black woman I did not know who I think was transgender, looks at me and says, you do not have a handicap. Well when I drove to California I drove here in a car that was altered to be driven with the left leg. The Department of Moter Vehicles in California knows I had a problem and let me get an M1 License for motorcycles on a Scooter, even though legally you are supposed to train on a motor cycle. The DMV trusted me not to get the M1 license and ride scooters only.

This is what the person wrote on the image of my knee. I am awful? I post things like we need to go vegan or take care of the planet. I have no idea why this person wrote this except perhaps I am fighting celebrities in Hollywood, and of course being famous and rich means you do nothing wrong to other people right? Some people are delusional and hero worship. Actors are people. Not the characters they play. No one is perfect. I want justice for lies said about me. I was molested by a man. I am not gay but someone keeps trying to make me look like I am. My father abused me and I needed friends and love and a support system with people who liked what I liked, not lets make sure the white straight strong educated girl from the east coast is labelled the bully.

I have had one post removed for content that I am aware of and I would disagree that it was uncivil. I apparently had one comment removed but Instagram will not tell me what comment they took down.

This is the post that was removed. I made this post of Roland Scahill because he started following me on Twitter and his bio was odd. Mr. Scahill is a convicted Fraudster and I have had people, in particular black people, imply I caused an accident in 2008 on a Paramount Film. I already have one knee that is permanently injured. I did not cause the accident. I am not that big of a risk taker. Someone tripped me. Workers Comp paid for 5 weeks of physical therapy and I went back to work. I paid for a session of therapy myself because I was in pain. I actually think that the accident in 2008 was some kind of sick attempt to either put me in a position to sue someone or have me permanently removed from acting, on lies. I never sued Paramount. I never went after them. The accident happened. They paid for my care and I went back to work. I was terrified I would end up going through another decade with both knees hurting. I love dancing. I love hiking. I loved being active. But I have been driven to isolation because people decided to BRAND me something I am not. I do not want to associate with a person who would take advantage of other people.

Here is another thing about this weird lets make the crazy girl kill herself game, and yet not look guilty.

This is an account on Twitter called @Shltposteur Take a look at this image. What do you see? Within twenty four hours the @Shltposteur changed their name and image to @Fire_bird. It is the same comment. Same account. However it went from being an account for a die hard Christian to someone pretending to be secular. I confronted them on to and they made some joke about being a puppet. I do not know how this is done. I do not have the technical skills to do something like this. But someone did create 105 accounts on twitter, including some using my name and attacked people with them. That was not me. I do not attack people. If I do, it is only after they have commented on me or I am standing up against their ignorance of abuse. Ironically I was attacked by sex workers for posting I wanted porn to be illegal. I was told by a Canadian who knows crew from Handmaid’s Tale that I was the one at fault and being mean. “Handmaid’s Tale” cast several actors who would know JEREMY GILBREATHE who molested me. I was sexually molested and I am being attacked by sex workers who willingly let strangers degrade their bodies. I was also told I was being a bad Buddhist for not respecting sex workers. One of the 5 precepts of Buddhism is not to practice sexual abuse, that would include cheating and selling ones body for sex.

Who ever this mystery attacker is, one thing curious about them. They are for Black power. Yep. This does not mean they are black but it is curious? Don’t you think. This kind of bothers me though. It kind of equates to a new kind of terrorism. One where people mess with people’s minds. It means that nothing on twitter can be trusted perhaps. I would like a specialist to explain how this is possible? How this person can manipulate the account like this. She or he accused me of doing LSD after I showed them these screen shots. But I do not do drugs and unless you tell me you see the same account and not a person with busted teeth in one account and a Mona Lisa Cat in the @fire_bird? Do you see the same images with different names. What is even more perplexing is that if I typed in @fire_bird I got a white middle aged woman. I screen shot that too. But I think I have gone on about this enough for today. Twitter was a place I was able to build a support system for me. I do not think people realize that some people need on line connections. I am very introverted. I see online connections like writing notes or letters. I communicate better with words on a page or a script. Some feel very isolated from like minded people. I am not going to turn to a church to get help, which is what I think these people want.

The @fire_bird account is hiding its religion. And an ORIOLES Fan? My twitter troll I had for years said they were a phoenix that would rise from the ashes.